jogging

jogging.
my passion.
my relaxation.
i have been jogging recently until i have pain in my left knee cap.
i could not squat down.
it is painful.
so, i have to take a break so that i can recover to jog even greater distance.

a break is good too.

your loss

when i told my friend that she did not speak to me, and also did not talk to her anymore, her answer really shocked me.
my friend said," her loss!"

my friend knew something about me that i myself was not aware of.
but really her answer surprised me.

i have always think of myself in the first place.
and it was an excellent answer to the latest development.

it is good.

no more heroes

no more heroine's act.
i have learn my things well.
i will have to guard my heart well.
i will have to check the things first before commiting myself.
i have been naive, too.
my mistakes.

love with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul

when i love someone, i love her with all my heart,all my mind,and all my soul.

so, when it comes to breakup, i really broke down.alas.
luckily, i recovered where i have fallen, and never looked back since.
alas.
it has been a blessing and now i have become stronger than ever.
god has given me a second chance and i should treasure it, cherish of the things i have and be contented.
i have made many mistakes and aim too high.
the higher i expect, the harder i fell.

that is life, isn't it.

light

in the dark, when the light of candle that guides me the way diminished,
i have only my own light to show me the path.
in the end, i have to depend on myself, and not others when i was down in the darkest valley.
yes, it will be me alone in the end, and no ones else to pick yourself up where you have fallen.

take care

take care.
ingat ka lagi po.

distance

i do not speak to you no more.
the rumours died down over the past few weeks.
it is good.
i have no choice but to keep our mouth shut.

alas.
now when i met, i no longer speal to you.
my heart aches, but i do not show it in my face.
i know that from that day onwards, i have become total stranger.

life goes on.
i still loves you, i tell myself.
but i know that it will gradually fades away.

love

love still lingers on..

quietness

i will be still.
i will reflect of the things i have done.
alas.
it has been something this year.
but i am glad that i am still alive.
thanks god!

rain

Went for an afternoon jog today.
Rain has stopped and I thought it would just like any other day.
But it continued on, and became heavier and heavier.
Waited at the bus stop for few minutes and decided to jog instead, despite the rain.

It was not that heavier, just a drizzling.
I continued on.


I was thoroughly drenched.
And I pondered: is that what you got for me.
I have jogged even under heavier rain, but today was just teasing us.

i recalled the relationship with her.
it was just a game for her.
she has been playing.

she has so many suitors.(she told me)
and losing one did not hurt her much, but just thrilling to see me in pain, agony and sorrow.
but i did not do that.

i became even stronger.
i have told her she will be the last one, and stressed the importance.
now no more.
i have thought through and got up where i have fallen.
i have come to this world empty-handed and shall leave this world empty-handed as well.
so, it does not matter much, really.
i do not care about her anymore.
i have since move on.


i emptied my mind.
when i saw her again, i wondered why i have fallen for her.
love is blind.

alas.
this is a tiny, tiny thing that do not hurt me anymore.

reverse

i always do things in a direct manner.
now, i have to change.
instead, i will doing things in inverted manner.
the exact opposite.

the opposite thinking: Reverse Psychology.
a strange way of thinking and actions.
it may work or it may not.

it does not matter, really.

instead of loving her, i will do the exact reverse.
i will not love her.
i will do things that excluded her.
i will not speak to her anymore.

so, when i meet a girl whom i like, i will do the same as well.
cheers, and have fun, too.

revive

i shall get up where i have fallen.
it is not easy, but i have to do it.
time wait for no man.
God has been good to me, and i am grateful.
so,i shall get up, move on where i have fallen, hard

dreams

I still love you, but in my dreams only
I love you with all my heart, all my soul and all my might.
Dreams are real.
But in reality, you are not real.

the search is still on

despite of the things that happened recently, my search for the one is still on.
even though i know the chances are slim, i still cling on the hope.
i still have the hope.
even how tiny, how razor-thin it is, i still willingly not given up hopes.

i will spend my entire life to find the one, the special one.
this is one of the things i have to do before i disappeared in this world.
just one of simple wishes.

but i know the more i like to have,the further it becomes.
so, i just relax and follow the flow of nature.

of course, i have to know that the search will ended in nothing.
and i will be greatly disappointed.

but still my hope is on.

alone

i remembered watching the DVD,"the gladiators".
The general was saying," if you found yourself alone..you will be dead"
but i am still much alive.

without her, i am lone.
i know that when i will get old one day, i will be even more alone.
i know.

but this is my destiny.
i cannot see my future, and i hope for the best.
i have been like this all my life.

so, when i broke up with her, it is back to my simple life, yet again.

i am humble person, easy to be contented with what i have.
life goes on, with or without her.
of course, i prefer someone with me when i grows old.
of course, it is better this way.
but in reality, it is easy said than done.

i have to live in a real world, but my spirit is out of this imperfect world.
i tell myself: i have to move on.

life goes on

life is full of circles.
i am back to where i started from.
i assumed that i have found a right one, after years of seraching.
but it turned out otherwise.
nevermind, life goes on.

i am back where i am belong.
things also come back to normal, much to my surprise.

so, i am back where i have begin my journey.
i have fallen, and i got up from where i have fell and move on.

that's me

i will be still

i was stubborn.
i refused to listen to my sister's advise.
in the end, i was hurt, again.
this time, i had encough and decided to end this relationship once and for all.
my heart aches.
yes, i do love her.
i like to have this wonderful love to linger on.
but again and again, she has caused us pain, sorrow and agonies.

i made the mistakes in the beginning and have to bear the responsibilities.

so, i decided not to speak her anymore.
even she asked us anything, i will keep quiet and still.

it is best to avoid her at all cost.

when things come to this abrupt end, it saddens us deeply.
well, we do not like this to happen and we knows it will come one day.
it did.

now we are total strangers.
that is what she like to have when she text message to me on that evening.
we have since changed.

i do not care or bother anymore.