i have thought that i will not feel the pain.
suddenly, just one thought of the decision she has made few days hit me hard in my heart.
and suddenly i found myself crumbled again.
crumbled into pieces and more pieces.
and i cried and cried.
i have thought that it was over, but in fact, it was just the beginning.
the beginning of the worst to come.
she was a professional, really is.
i am still at the beginning of the long and unwinding road to full recovery.
i still have a long way.
i went for an hot afternoon jog instead.
before, we did push-ups to our maximum.
we tried to make my body tired.
tired of thinking and divert our attention to other things.
it will not be easy.
i still dreaming.
because i am a dreamer.
i still dream of spending the rest of my life with her.
but it pained me that i have to share with two of her good male friends who comes before me.
it will not work in the first place.
neither in the future.
she had so many things to take care, so many.
and i often wonder.
maybe i should have to step into her world in the first place.
i am just a naive and thought of nothing else but she and me only.
and also two precious kids, age 16 and 12 years old.
i have met them and accepted them.
they also accepted me.
But i am completely and totally wrong indeed.
i have failed.
i have failed.
normally i did not give up easily.
but this time, the more i love her, the more i like to give up.
pain and love came together at the same time.
i was puzzled, never in my life felt like this before.
never.
alas.
what is done cannot be undone.
love is over.